TO LOVE OR NOT TO LOVE
Odete Martins Bigote
When I was a child, and living in Portugal, my father took me to see a movie about the life of Jesus Christ. Sometime, during the movie, I started to think that I did not like those bad guys. I realized that they were going to hurt Jesus. So, I start to yell.
“Run away, Jesus. Run! Run!” I insisted.
My father, a nonbeliever, was very embarrassed. The more I yelled, the more he tried to calm me down, but to no avail. Everyone in the movie house was getting excited. Finally, my father said to me:
“He is more powerful than you think.”
That sentence shut me up. Of course, at that time, I had no idea what my father meant, but I did not forget his words.
So I went home, and played with my toys. And played, and played for many years to come.
Only recently I began to understand His power, and the difference between real Love and false love. Surely, we cannot like everyone we meet, or read about, or hear about. But can we love everyone?
The reasonable answer seems to be that we cannot love everyone either.
However, let’s contemplate the following sentence:
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.” Bible 1 John
If perfect love casts out fear, then perfect love has nothing to do with the body, and fear must be out of the way.
Let’s examine the reason why I did not like those bad guys in the movie. True, I was a child, but my ego was big enough to fear what those “bad guys” would do to Jesus. How interesting it is to realize how we grow up “fearing” and “disliking” the bad, and the ugly.
What happens to love? We are taught to love “the good,” “the kind,” and “the gentle.” In the end, what we are learning is the concept of “separation,” which can never inspire true love, because true love comes from a unified source, and that never changes.
The concept of separation, however, is the basis for our illusory existence on earth. Are we being helped by such concept, or does it become a hindrance as we grow up?
Can we learn to love without the concept of separation?
The answers to these questions are settled deep in our thought system. We already know the answers but we ignore them. As we grow up, we begin to understand that the ego is a hindrance because it tries to prevent us from looking within, and discover that the light is us is more powerful than the darkness. This is the power of true love. The ego tries to prevent us from seeing ourselves as we really are; an eternal light. In a nutshell, the ego, being the thought of separation itself, keeps itself alive by constantly hiding the truth from us, and perpetuating our discomforts.
Love, I mean, real love, is beyond the concept of separation. It has nothing to do with the body, or with what we can see, or touch. The ego has to be out of the way because there can be no fear, no anger, no expectation, in short, no conditions.
My father was in a nursing home for four years. There was another man there, much younger than my father, whose wife used to visit him only to quarrel with him. Sometimes, she even beat him up with his cane. One day, my father and I were playing Domino, she was so close to us that she almost hit us. I tried to talk to her husband to see if I could make him feel better, without really knowing how he was feeling… He listened to me for just a few seconds, and then said, “Miss, she is a good wife. She has always been a good wife!”
We all choose different ways to express our problems – our need to be truly loved. I call these ways “forms.” In this case, the wife choose to beat up her husband. Her husband, on the other hand, chose to stay with her and accept her actions. I’m not suggestions that if you truly love someone, you’ve to stay with that person and accept whatever it is he/she wants to do to you. What I’m saying is that you’ve choices.
You can always say: ” I love you, but I’m leaving. Thank you for the experience! “
You’ve the power to choose the forms you want to express yourself. You’ve the power to express your needs in a loving way, or in a non-loving way. The choices are yours, and so are the consequences.
As children we’ve to learn about fear, and how to protect our body. In short, we need to build a healthy ego. As adults we’ve to learn to see beyond the body; beyond the thought of separation. In other words, we’ve to understand that we live in two worlds: one is illusory and temporary (ego); the other is real, never changes, and is eternal. This concept makes life very interesting and even mysterious.
Where do the thoughts of perfect love come from? They do not have to come from anywhere because they exist within YOU.
You received “perfect love” before you were born, therefore it is within you and will always be.
IN TRUTH, YOU DO NOT NEED TO LEARN HOW TO LOVE. BELIEVE IT OR NOT-YOU ARE LOVE!
Only the ego tries to show you that you need to learn how to love. Only the ego tries to show you that love is apart from you, therefore you’ve to go and look for it…
When I was growing up in Lisbon, I had a friend who had two sisters. Her mother worried about her because she liked to stay home, while her sisters went out a lot, dancing, etc. Her mother used to asked me: “How is she going to find someone to love her and marry her, if she is always home?” Obviously, I did not know how to answer.
Their apartment was on the first floor of a building near my house. I never had problems visiting her because I knew that, every afternoon, she used to open the window of her bedroom, and just stay there contemplating the people that went by. Sometimes, she’d exchange a greeting with the passers-by. And so, we used to talk and talk, for hours. I was outside, on the street. She was inside, in her apartment.
What happened to these three sisters? One never married. One married and divorced. My friend married. As far as I know, she is still happily married to the same man. How did they meet? Right there … where she used to be every afternoon!
We all know we are on earth temporarily. What we do not remember is that, this is our chance to allow perfect love to express and expand itself. This is where most of us get in trouble.
In our desperate need to show who we really are – a lovely light – we stumble. Most of the time, we choose the wrong forms to express our needs. We allow our thoughts of separation to take over our precious lives.
The ego teaches us that we’ve to like someone in order to love this person; this is one of its conditions. This is false love. Perfect love is beyond liking. You may not like someone, yet deep down, you always love this person, even if you are not aware of it now, and even if you do not understand how that is possible.
TRUE LOVE IS NOT TO BE UNDERSTOOD; IT IS TO BE EXPERIENCED. IT IS TO BE ENJOYED.
Sometimes I used to plan a few sentences to tell my father how much I loved him whenever I visited him in the nursing home. I had the sentences in my mind for days, sometimes for months. But once I got to visit him, all I did was to play Domino with him. There was no need for words. There was no need for affirmations. We were both at peace. At times it was so peaceful that we even forgot the time for his dinner. The message had been conveyed beyond words, and somehow beyond space and time. My body was not needed to convey the message, neither were my words. Only my thoughts were necessary. Is this communication from God? or science, or spirit? Does it really matter to investigate where it is from?
What about Jesus? Why does history portrait him in this fashion? Jesus thoughts were beyond liking, and beyond the ego’s thoughts of separation. Therefore, Jesus thoughts were beyond false love. Only thoughts of true love occupied His mind. Again, no condition. That was His mission, that was the form he chose while he was here on earth.
So, Jesus, did not run like I wanted Him to. If He had run then, He’d be following his ego thoughts commanding Him to fear what was going to happen to Him. And yes, He had tremendous power, as my father said. His power was totally invisible. It was the power of the mind. The power that reminds us that true love does not come from anything outside of us, but it is totally subjective.
You do not have to learn how to express true love. You are that expression. You are the received and the giver. You are that unconditional love that you so desperately search for.
Article written by
Odete Martins Bigote
Copyright July 2001